


storm chaser (these pieces just don’t add up)

by Evening_Winds



Series: to win at life [2]
Category: Pocket Monsters: Sword & Shield | Pokemon Sword & Shield Versions
Genre: Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Pining, Pre-Canon, Pre-Relationship, also a closer look at the unhealthy thought patterns leon has, but that doesn't stop leon from being incredibly smitten, in which leon (who doesn't hate himself) just doesn't get raihan (who does)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-15 03:20:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28681728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evening_Winds/pseuds/Evening_Winds
Summary: Leon didn’t have a clue. Raihan was so hard to read sometimes. He was a beautiful tangle of contradictions, always ebbing and flowing like the tide, more unpredictable than the weather.- - -aka leon wants to figure things out, but all he ends up getting are mixed signals and a guilty conscience.aka what’s going through leon’s head on raihan’s sixteenth birthday inkeeping count
Relationships: Dande | Leon/Kibana | Raihan
Series: to win at life [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2102253
Comments: 2
Kudos: 31





	storm chaser (these pieces just don’t add up)

**Author's Note:**

> this is the fic i half-promised in the end note of _keeping count_. i’m still completely blown away by the reception that fic got!! thank you!!
> 
> when i was trying to finish chapter 3 of _keeping count_ , i kept getting distracted by the first scene in ch 4 and leon feels and his inner conflict between ‘want to’ and ‘need to’ and all the tiny headcanons and background info i couldn’t gracefully include in the main fic because it’s from raihan’s pov so i just. had to write the outline for this. it’s a good thing that leon’s brain works a mile a minute because, in the end, i was taken aback by just how much stuff there was that i wanted to to write about here
> 
> i would definitely recommend that you read the entirety of _keeping count_ first for context and, you know, spoilers (this literally spoils stuff that isn’t revealed until the penultimate scene of that fic despite taking place seven years earlier lol)
> 
> also, it’s been a hot minute since i’ve stolen a fic title from a song, so this time the title (and also the name of the series) is from The Quiet by Imogen Heap. it’s definitely a perfect fit for this series, give it a listen ~~(does anyone else make ficspiration playlists or is it just me?)~~

“Oh, that’s a nice picture.”

Leon smiled to himself as he looked at the photo over Raihan’s shoulder. To think that Raihan’s Rotom had managed to capture the exact moment when the number on his counter had gone up! Had it been pure chance? Whatever the case, Leon couldn’t help wondering if it was always as obvious as it was in that candid photo the Pokémon had snapped in the bookstore. If someone had taken a picture each time it had happened, would he have had that same starry-eyed expression in all of them, with his head slightly tilted to one side?

The very first time it had happened had been during their previous meeting. He and Raihan both been busy, so it had been a while since they had seen each other last. That time, they had met up in Hammerlocke; Raihan had had a meeting with his Gym traineeship tutor and a tour at the college he would be entering in fall. Even though he wasn’t growing as ridiculously rapidly as he had just a couple of years ago, Raihan had gotten even taller since the last time. It hadn’t been a terribly obvious change, but Leon had noticed. His friend would surely wind up as tall as a Dynamax Pokémon if he kept going at his current pace.

When Leon had shared this observation of his, Raihan had just burst into laughter, and something warm had stirred in Leon’s heart. Raihan had the loveliest laugh, and even though Leon had heard it hundreds of times, each time the vibrancy and beauty of the sound took his breath away. And it was at its very best like this, heard in person and prompted by Leon himself.

The peculiar warmth had still been lingering in his chest when Raihan had introduced him to the newest member of his team before their customary practice match. It had been such a mundane thing – Raihan had merely patted Duraludon’s head while smiling softly, looking proud and happy – but that’s when it had hit Leon like a bolt from the blue.

_Oh. I would really like to kiss him._

Such a simple thought, but it had left Leon speechless.

That had happened almost two months ago. The feeling was still so new, but it was also wonderful and exciting. And since his sudden desire hadn’t been a one-time occurrence, Leon had begun keeping count of them. Something had reminded him of how Raihan had kept track of their Pokémon battles during their Gym Challenge together. Was he still doing it? He had seemed a bit embarrassed about it back then, though, like admitting it had been a slip of the tongue, so Leon had decided not to ask about it. Still, he had picked up the same habit, albeit in a different context.

He had restarted the counter a couple of times over the first two or three weeks; he had gotten the feeling that consciously keeping track of the instances had probably skewed the results. Soon enough, though, it had become like second nature to him, and now it was just another piece of information he kept stored in his head that he needed to update every now and then.

Still, it had taken him by surprise just how often he found himself daydreaming about sharing a tender moment with Raihan instead of merely missing the company of his best friend. Even at times Raihan hadn’t been physically present – which, very much to Leon’s chagrin, was the case most of the time – the number had kept ticking up. Though, Leon supposed, it was a completely normal occurrence when you had a crush on someone. But should those kinds of thoughts have been more frequent? He had no frame of reference to compare to and was too embarrassed to ask anyone about it.

At any rate, although there were times when it happened multiple times a day, it wasn’t a daily occurrence for him. Sometimes he was so busy for days at a time that he barely had time to breathe, let alone daydream, and when the frantic flurry of activity temporarily let up, the only thing he wanted to do was actually sleep. Sometimes when he did daydream, there was zero kissing involved. Sometimes he deliberately forced himself not to think about Raihan at all to save himself the heartache caused by their near-constant separation.

But ever since last night, when Leon had gotten off work and Raihan had been waiting for him at the plaza in front of Rose Tower, a witty remark at the ready on his sharp tongue and a twinkle of mirth dancing in his bright eyes… Yeah. Now that Raihan was right next to him again for the first time in weeks, those thoughts had been popping in his head more and more often.

He wanted to tell Raihan all about it.

He had reasoned that it would be perfect to do that during their date today. Officially it was nothing but a simple birthday celebration, but to Leon’s mind, it was definitely a date. It was a selfish little white lie he directed at himself, but no one else needed to know.

However, to his understanding, rushing these kinds of things wasn’t good – especially if the feelings turned out to be one-sided. So, before broaching the subject, he wanted to test the waters. He wanted to be as certain as possible. And after a couple of months’ worth of self-reflection, he was certain of his own feelings. But what about Raihan? Based on some of their earlier interactions, Leon had a cautious, wishful hunch that Raihan could like him as something other than a friend, too. Even the mere thought of it made his heart hammer in his chest.

And today was the day he would not only seek answers to that question but also find them. Discreetly.

…Well, okay. Leon had to admit to himself that _maybe_ what he was doing right now wasn’t particularly discreet. He was hovering closer to Raihan than was in any way necessary, and he had been doing that for a while now.

But he really needed more information to go by. Even though he had paid close attention to Raihan’s every move, expression, word and reaction all day, he hadn’t been able to draw a clear and coherent picture. Each time he had deliberately tried to gain more insight into Raihan’s stance on the matter at hand, he had narrowed it down to two possible ways for Raihan to react: one of which meant that Raihan liked him back and the other that he didn’t. Yet, somehow, every single time Raihan had managed to choose secret option number three which was either a little bit of both or something entirely different.

Like in the morning. Leon had forced his sleep-deprived self out of bed hours earlier than he usually woke up on his days off and tried to cook to both surprise and impress Raihan. And what had Raihan done? Just stared at him in silence! It had made Leon self-conscious to the point that he had to ask Raihan to go give their Pokémon breakfast just to get him out of the kitchen for a moment. And he had still managed to mess up the food.

Then, after breakfast, when they were getting ready to head out. Raihan had been sitting on the bedroom floor in front of the full-length mirror, carefully applying concealer and highlighter, and Leon had tried to compliment him by saying that he didn’t think Raihan needed it. Raihan had just glared at him and snapped, “No one asked for your opinion.” Leon had wanted to bite his tongue clean off. So embarrassing!

And what about the time when Leon had taken Raihan’s hand in the bookstore? It was perhaps the most baffling thing that had happened all day. Why hadn’t Raihan tried to pry his hand away but hadn’t squeezed Leon’s back, either? Why the initial surge of uneasiness Leon had detected in him, followed by indifference, something akin to resignation? And why had there still been a faint smile on Raihan’s lips whenever Leon had stolen a glance at him?

Leon had tried to make sense of it all only to fail spectacularly. He may be analytical by nature – partially out of necessity – and thus good at reading people, but it didn’t mean it was _easy_. It was mostly about paying close attention to and memorizing things, noticing as many details as possible, and cross-referencing them with the mental library of different tones of voice, word choices and body language he had accumulated.

It wasn’t easy, but it was usually simpler to reach the correct conclusions with other people than it was with Raihan. Maybe people were more complicated than he had liked to think; maybe his way of looking at things was oversimplifying it.

Still, there must have been some underlying logic to Raihan’s behavior, both past and present, but Leon just couldn’t get it. And he would be lying if he said that it didn’t make him feel frustrated at times. Sometimes his frustration was directed at Raihan, but mainly at himself.

Leon looked at Raihan from the corner of his eye. He was studying the photo even more carefully than Leon had, with his brows slightly furrowed. However, he still wasn’t saying anything about it – or anything else for that matter – so Leon ventured, “I like your smile. In this photo, and in general.” He wanted to see Raihan smile again. And again. And again, never stopping.

Instinctively, he inched even closer to his friend. It would be so easy to brush his lips against Raihan’s cheek now. And when Raihan would turn his head to look at him, eyes wide with surprise, Leon would aim at his mouth.

_Forty._

But instead of smiling, Raihan had tensed at the words. He wasn’t good at receiving compliments and Leon had a hard time understanding why. After all, they weren’t just compliments, they were undeniable facts! Even from a completely objective point of view, Raihan was handsome and talented and funny. Wasn’t his ever-growing follower count proof enough of that, let alone the fawning comments said followers left under his photos?

Biting back a sigh, Leon quickly retreated. Raihan was never vocal about it, but he was particular about his personal space. And, judging by his body language right then, Leon had been invading it for too long. “You should post it,” he said, nodding toward Raihan’s phone, just to keep the conversation from dying before it had even properly begun.

Raihan finally looked at him. “You think so?”

“Yeah.” It was a nice photo, after all. And, perhaps more importantly, Leon liked seeing himself on Raihan’s feed. He had taken note that he was the only other person – aside from Raihan himself – who had ever gotten featured there. It made him feel special.

A sudden thought struck him. Could it be that… he _was_ special?

The possibility gave him the courage to try his last resort. Once he had set Raihan’s coffee and cake on the table, he threw caution to the wind and went for blatant flirting. “We look good together, don’t you think?”

Raihan made a strangled noise.

Suddenly embarrassed by his own boldness, Leon hastily seated himself. A single look across the table at his visibly rattled friend was enough to tell him everything he needed to know. That had obviously been a bad move. He had gotten too carried away and pushed too far. He should have stopped at the first signs of uneasiness.

Well, at least now he knew that Raihan wasn’t interested in him that way.

Time to abandon the plan. Change the subject. Act like he always would, return to normalcy. Maybe Raihan would forget all about it. The last thing Leon wanted to do was make him feel even more uncomfortable.

Leon picked up his fork and chose a piece of cake while he spoke. “Your Rotom takes great pictures. They’re almost as good as the ones you take yourself. You’ve trained it well.”

“Y-yeah. Thanks,” Raihan replied and transferred his gaze back to his phone.

A silence fell over them, but it was far from comfortable. The atmosphere was awfully tense and awkward, but Leon figured it would be best to give Raihan some time to decompress and recalibrate. There were times when he needed some peace and quiet to collect his thoughts before he was ready to take part in conversation again. So, for the time being, Leon focused on the cake sampler platter in front of him and frantically tried to figure out how to salvage the situation without messing everything up even worse.

Talking about other subjects would probably be the safest course of action. Ask questions, make suggestions, show Raihan that his input was not only needed but also valued, get him involved.

Leon waited for Raihan to finish taking pictures of his birthday treats before tentatively picking up the thread of conversation again. A near-overwhelming wave of relief washed over him when Raihan finally put his phone away and smiled at him. Soon, their little table for two was enveloped in a bubble of lively conversation and laughter, and Leon couldn’t stop smiling. He hadn’t ruined anything. Everything would be just fine.

As long as Raihan was content, he would be content, too.

…That’s what Leon liked to think, anyway. But he knew he was lying to himself, and he had never been particularly good at it.

He’d put Raihan’s happiness and comfort first nonetheless.

\- - -

After they had finished their innutritious lunch, Leon had used his Champion privileges to get them into Wyndon Stadium for some private training. It had been a great match all around, and Leon had been happy to see that Raihan and Duraludon’s coordination had gotten even better since last time. The fact had been the biggest point of discussion during their post-battle strategy talk, and when Raihan hadn’t been quite as hard on himself as he usually was, Leon had been even more convinced that Duraludon had been the perfect addition to his team.

Afterwards, they had done some window shopping before grabbing takeaway for dinner and going back to Leon’s to watch a movie. Somehow, Leon had managed to keep his thoughts in check ever since they had left the café, but sitting right next to Raihan in the dim living room made his imagination run wild again.

When a character in the movie did something stupid and Raihan gently elbowed him and said, “That’s you”: _Forty-one._

When he and Raihan both laughed out loud at the same terrible joke: _Forty-two._

When the main couple finally shared a kiss on screen: _Forty-three forty-three forty-three - -_

Leon quickly pushed the thoughts out of his mind and turned on the lights as soon as the last scene ended and the ending theme started playing. “So, what’d you think?” he asked. “Did it live up to all the hype it had gotten?”

There was a flash of excitement in Raihan’s bright eyes.

A lengthy conversation ensued as they analyzed the film down to the tiniest detail, just like they did with all of their matches – only now with hundred percent more popcorn than usual.

The end credits had long since stopped rolling by the time they were done with their analysis. “What do you wanna watch next?” Leon asked blithely, tapping the tips of his fingers against the now-empty snack bowl. “We could make more popcorn, too.”

Raihan glanced at his phone. “I should get going,” he sighed. “If I hurry, I should be able to catch the last train to Motostoke so that Flygon doesn’t have to fly all the way back.”

He should have been expecting the words, but they made Leon’s heart lurch in his chest anyway. On the spur of the moment, he placed his hand upon Raihan’s. “Rai, please. Stay.”

Raihan froze for a moment, and something in his expression hardened and closed off. He slipped his hand from under Leon’s and got up from the couch. “You know I can’t,” he muttered stiffly.

Leon knew. Raihan never skipped school. You’d think he could have loosened up a little now that he had been accepted to a college… But Leon supposed he was just being a bit envious. Wasn’t it ridiculous that the most celebrated public figure of the region was a secondary school dropout? He had his private tutor, of course, but it wasn’t the same. The social aspect of school was just as important as learning – at least that’s what he had overheard his mother saying to his grandpa the last time he had been home four months ago. But he kept in contact with his family and friends as often as possible, so what’s the big deal?

Still, he couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something much bigger and more complex hidden behind what Raihan had just said, something he couldn’t discern. Leon didn’t know what to do about it, but sometimes, like just now, it felt as if he and Raihan were having two entirely different conversations at the same time.

He wanted to see every side of Raihan, even the ones he kept hidden. He wanted to know him completely. He wanted to fall in love with every piece of him.

Letting out a long sigh through his nose, Leon got up as well. He hastened after Raihan who had already grabbed his things from the bedroom and was putting on his outerwear. Leon tried his darnedest to find something not related to feelings to talk about but came up with nothing.

All he wanted was to seize the lapels of Raihan’s denim jacket and pull him down. He wanted to see Raihan’s stunning eyes widen in surprise. He wanted to find out how Raihan’s lips felt against his, if it really was as magical as books and movies made it out to be.

_Forty-four._

He gave his head a little shake. He shouldn’t act so harshly, without thinking. He shouldn’t be forceful. He shouldn’t think of such things at all. It was horribly greedy and selfish. He had been plenty selfish today, clinging to Raihan like a desperate Yamper puppy all day.

He shouldn’t be selfish. He was well aware of that. Nothing good ever came out of it.

He had unconsciously started twirling a strand of hair around his finger. A case in point, he thought sullenly and forced himself to put his hand down. It has caused quite a stir when he had showed up to a televised live interview with his hair dyed an uneven purple. Dyeing it had been a small act of defiance, rebellion, a choice of his own. Afterwards, Rose had given him one reproaching look, one cautionary smile and one fatherly pat on the head. “We can make this work,” was all the Chairman had said about it before calling up the Champion’s PR team to do damage control and a pro hairdresser to fix the less-than-precise DIY dye job. And so, before Leon knew it, his new hair color had become an integral part of his public image, another cherished feature of the Champion.

At the very least he had gotten to keep the shade of purple he had so carefully chosen – which Raihan had also complimented him on upon first seeing it and made all the trouble absolutely worth it with a few simple words – but _still_. No matter how well it had ended up working for him and how much he liked the color, the fact remained that maintaining it, especially since he had dark hair naturally, was a huge pain. It was supposed to be a one-off thing to shake things up a bit. Now touching up his roots every few weeks was yet another task he had to keep tabs on and somehow fit in his cramped schedule. He could have gotten away with longer intervals since he wore a hat most of the time, but Rose had been insistent. It was a ‘you made your bed, now lie in it’ kind of situation, as the Chairman had sternly yet gently put it.

Leon had learned his lesson. This was his life now, and it was a good life. Extraordinary, even. He shouldn’t be ungrateful. He had to be a proper, upstanding individual. No more silly stunts. He had to set a good example as a role model for the entire region, and selfishness wasn’t a quality he wanted to promote.

But not being selfish was so, so incredibly difficult sometimes.

Especially when it came to Raihan.

Leon realized he had been staring when Raihan took a step closer. For a split second, he thought that Raihan had caught him staring at his lips, that it was actually going to happen, that all the conclusions he had drawn throughout the day had been incorrect after all.

Instead, Raihan hugged him. It was abrupt and a bit awkward, like it always was on the rare occasions when Raihan was the one to initiate any sort of physical contact. It didn’t make it any less wonderful, though.

“Thank you for today.” Raihan’s voice was so soft that Leon barely caught the words. “I had fun.”

“Me, too,” Leon replied and nuzzled a bit closer to Raihan. He didn’t care if Raihan could feel how hot his face was or how fast his heart was racing. The selfish part of him wanted Raihan to notice.

_Rai, I’m in love with you. Please be my boyfriend._

_Please._

He wanted to say it, but the words got stuck in his throat. How would Raihan react to such a direct confession? Would uttering those words only destroy everything they had built? Leon didn’t have a clue. Raihan was so hard to read sometimes. He was a beautiful tangle of contradictions, always ebbing and flowing like the tide, more unpredictable than the weather. Sometimes he was almost more talkative than Leon, while other times he could go days without speaking to anyone. Sometimes he was snappish and gnashing his teeth, while other times he treated everyone and everything with gentleness. Sometimes he acted borderline touch-starved, while other times he was withdrawn and kept Leon at arm’s length.

And then, just underneath the surface, something constantly churned, as if he was scared of something but keeping it hidden. Leon had surmised that it had something to do with his deep-rooted insecurities, which in turn must be somehow linked to his falling out with Nessa. That’s what he had managed to deduce, but without knowing the details, he couldn’t say anything for certain. All Nessa had told him back then was, “We went to the same school. We… used to be friends.” It seemed to be a touchy subject for her, too, so Leon had left it at that.

Leon hated being uncertain. He wanted to know, wanted to understand, wanted to alleviate any fears Raihan had. But Raihan had made it clear that he didn’t want to talk about it, and Leon had promised not to pry.

When words were out of the question, only actions remained. And Leon did his best to show Raihan that he cared. He offered Raihan a shoulder to lean on and was there for him whenever he permitted it. He gave Raihan all the space he needed when he needed it and patiently waited until he was ready to come back to him of his own free will, even if it meant that his own heart drowned in loneliness and yearning in the meantime.

And now, he wouldn’t let his feelings get in the way of their friendship. He would be content admiring Raihan from afar. They would proceed on Raihan’s terms. Even if it meant not proceeding in the direction Leon would have wanted.

He wanted too many things. Way too many things. He already had so much.

His grip on the back of Raihan’s jacket tightened. He already had _this_.

After a moment, Raihan sighed and Leon knew his time was up. Raihan didn’t say anything as he released Leon and shouldered his backpack.

Leon missed him already.

Raihan was halfway out the door when he suddenly stopped. When he turned to look at Leon, the smile on his lips was sad and wary.

Leon didn’t like it when Raihan looked at him like that. It made him feel hollow inside. Helpless.

“Text me?” Raihan’s question came hesitantly, as if he was expecting his request to be turned down.

“Yeah. I will,” Leon replied and smiled reassuringly.

Raihan nodded and, for no discernible reason, the sadness in his eyes only deepened. “See ya.” And with that, he was gone.

_Forty-five._

**Author's Note:**

> i think the main thing i wanted to explore with this fic is this: not only do leon and raihan both have a huge blind spot regarding the other half of this relationship, they also have a slightly different yet equally toxic idea of selflessness; they want what is best for others at their own expense. raihan is convinced that this can be achieved by him pushing others away because he believes that he’s ultimately a detriment to their happiness, whereas leon lets things happen around him and to himself because the wants and needs of others are more important than his own. one actively withdraws, isolates himself, digs in his heels; the other passively complies, accepts, all the while feeling guilty for wanting things for himself (thanks, rose /s).
> 
> fortunately, both get better about it. eventually.
> 
> also, number trivia: Attract is TM45 ~~(yes i know it’s TM31 in gen 8 but i felt like that number would’ve been a bit too small)~~
> 
> let me know what you think i guess. peace out!


End file.
